Reworking my Introduction

           “Tonight you have a signing in Midtown and you’re going to perform one or two songs. Tomorrow you have the Today Shows so you will need to be in hair and makeup at 6:00 am the latest. Thursday is a travel day and Friday you have your show in Austin. Remember I’m bringing my niece with me tonight and tomorrow. I can’t go with you to Austin because I have to go to the Bahamas with Pitbul, but Roslin is going with you to Austin. I will be in constant contact with her, but this will be her first time without me so have patience.” My aunt sighed and looked at Mario. He just nodded in agreement. “Great. Now we need to get you to your fitting. Let me grab…”
          “Hilda! Mario! Roslin! Everyone come to the conference room now! A plane has hit the twin towers!"

In my original introduction I tried to jump right into the story with some dialoge. I tried to make the introduction intriguing and jump into the action while giving enough detail to let the reader know what the story is about.

Describtion for emotional appeal- Running down the street came a man in a suit. There was a hole in the elbow of his right sleeve, and dried blood on his knees. His hands were covered in ash and his white shirt had grey smudges all over it. He made no gestured that showed he recognized the people around him. He ran with intent in his eyes, expressionless. As he ran by everyone stared. He ran straight down the street and it seemed as if he was running from someone, or something. My aunt turned her head to follow him. He ran a few more feet to a women. She opened her arms and let out a loud cry. There they stood crying, embracing each other like they would never get a chance to hold each other again.

Question- What constitutes as normal? Is a normal day a day that is like every other or is it something else. Is the day normal if nothing excitileaving early and staying ng happens or is it boring? Is normal when I spend all day working and finish everything or is that just productive. What makes the day go from normal to not normal? Is it the difference between late? Or the difference between having the same lunch or something new? Whatever the difference between normal and not normal this day was nothing like I or anyone else had experienced before.

Recognition- For someone who prides themself on the neatness of her house and car, my aunt was suprisingly unorganized today. She had papers everywhere and sticky notes stuck all over the room. Coworkers passed her room and said hello, but she didn't hear them. She was drowning in her own clutter and needed to leave her office ten minutes ago. As she frantically looked through papers for the flight information Mario walked into her office.

Introduction to 9/11 Draft

“Tonight you have a signing in Midtown and you’re going to perform one or two songs. Tomorrow you have the Today Shows so you will need to be in hair and makeup at 6:00 am the latest. Thursday is a travel day and Friday you have your show in Austin. Remember I’m bringing my niece with me tonight and tomorrow. I can’t go with you to Austin because I have to go to the Bahamas with Pitbul, but Roslin is going with you to Austin. I will be in constant contact with her, but this will be her first time without me so have patience.” My aunt sighed and looked at Mario. He just nodded in agreement. “Great. Now we need to get you to your fitting. Let me grab…”

“Hilda! Mario! Roslin! Everyone come to the conference room now! A plane has hit the twin towers!”