“Tonight you have a signing in Midtown and you’re going to perform one or two songs. Tomorrow you have the Today Shows so you will need to be in hair and makeup at 6:00 am the latest. Thursday is a travel day and Friday you have your show in Austin. Remember I’m bringing my niece with me tonight and tomorrow. I can’t go with you to Austin because I have to go to the Bahamas with Pitbul, but Roslin is going with you to Austin. I will be in constant contact with her, but this will be her first time without me so have patience.” My aunt sighed and looked at Mario. He just nodded in agreement. “Great. Now we need to get you to your fitting. Let me grab…”
“Hilda! Mario! Roslin! Everyone come to the conference room now! A plane has hit the twin towers!”
Hi Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI love how you opened up with dialogue that brought us right into the story. This is a great example of using dialogue to "show" the reader what is going on rather than to use narration that "tells" them what is happening. Keep it up.
Ms. B
1.Todays Show, Midtown,The Towers
ReplyDelete2.Yes this introduction grabs my attention. I liked how it was different then a lot of writings I have read. It starts the paper on a interesting note.
3.Im expecting to see how a star will take in the reality of the twin towers.I think it will be interesting to see the point of the view this person has on everyhting that is going to happen.
4.One suggestion I would make is to make the dialogue a little more clear on who is specifically talking.
5.The sharpest detail that draws my eyes is the first 2-3 sentences giving detail about what this person has for the upcoming week. Then the towers are hit and they no longer have to worry about all those dates and events.
6.I think the paragraph is a good length. It really pulls the reader in and makes me want to keep reading the story.
1. Traveling through 9/11
ReplyDeleteTonights Show
Superstar
2.Yes, the immediate dialogue and sense of urgency caught my attention
3. I expect the superstar to be starstruck by the events, and although the star's life is very busy with flights everyday, the tragedy will stop even the most important busy schedules.
4. The sharpest detail I read was all of the cities that need to be visited for various reasons.
5. The length is great, it really gave me enough info to have an understand, but still be greatly interested to read on.
1)9/11, Showtown,
ReplyDelete2)It grabs my attention because it gives some dialog right of the bat and gives an idea of whats going on.
3)I expect this story to be about a broadway stars point of view of 9/11
4)The sharpest detail is the 1st couple sentences because it gives us an idea of the setting and the people that are in the story.
5)one suggestion i would make is to be more clear with whats going on in the intro
6)I think this is perfect length for an intro.