Moxie
Walking into the children’s hospital warmth flooded me. The heat was a welcomed change to the cold, snowy Boston morning. Unzipping my jacket a little I headed over to the elevator. Headphones in blasting Beyoncé I entered the elevator. As “Save the Hero,” comes to an end I anxiously await the next song. Pressing the button for the Cancer Treatment Floor, I step back and lean against the wall of the elevator. A song slowly starts to fade in and my heart skips a beat; I could tell what the song was immediately. I look at the display screen on my iPhone and my fears were confirmed. As “Tattoo” by Jordin Sparks filled my ears my thoughts go to Emma, her favorite song.
It was just months ago we were celebrating two years cancer free. We had a huge barbeque and invited everyone over. I told Emma she was just coming over to swim. I can remember telling her to just meet me in my backyard. Everyone was waiting in the backyard. You could hear the clinging of jewelry coming around the corner of the house. I didn't have to look in that direction, I knew it was Emma. She always wore lots of silver bracelets that adorned her thin wrists and long silver earrings stretching down to her neck, giving her neck the illusion of incredible length. Atop her neck a slightly tanned oval shaped face, with the slightest tint of pink in her checks. As Emma turned the corner, everyone yelled surprise. There was no need to explain the occasion; she knew right away this wasn’t a birthday party, but a look how far we have come party.
As the elevator doors opened I walked out and down the brightly colored halls, a drastic change from the regular hospital. I stopped in front of her door. Pictures of Emma and her friends covered the door. I caught a glimpse of the two of us years ago when she first came here. I had come with purple blankets and my favorite stuffed animal, Barney. You could see the flowers everyone had brought her in the background and the get well poster her softball team had made her. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door and waited.
“Come in,” called Emma.
Walking into the hospital room I first noticed the get well balloons that covered her ceiling. Looking at Emma tears welled in my eyes. She was covered in blankets up to her neck just her pale face and neck could be seen. A large face mask covered her mouth and nose as to prevent her from getting sick. Her clavicle so pronounced I felt it was screaming at me. She looked weak and worn out, nothing like the girl I knew, but when she spoke I knew that my friend was still in there. She talked with such enthusiasm and happiness I could only imagine the smile that was probably covering her face behind that mask.
“How are you feeling?”
Emma laughed, “Never been better!” she replied. “Look!” Lifting up her blanket, she pulled out the Barney I had given her years before. “I still have him,” she said. I could tell she was smiling behind her mask. We both laughed. I knew she still the Emma I had come to love.
As I looked around her room my eyes caught a huge stack of papers.
“What are all of those?”
“That,” Emma replied “is all the paper work I have to finish for my fundraiser.” I must have looked puzzled because she laughed and rolled her eyes in a “you’re so slow” manor. “I am still doing that fundraiser for Children Awaiting Parents. I only have chemo for four hours a day, so I figured why not continue with the fundraiser. Plus, just because I’m sick again doesn’t mean those kids don’t need help anymore.”
Why was I not surprised. This was just like Emma. “Aren’t you tired? You shouldn’t overdo it Emm.”
“It’s fine. I’m almost done with everything, and then all I have to do is send it to school. They will run it from there.”
Before I could respond there was a knock at the door and Emma told them to come in. It was a nurse. She was short, plump and very orange. The poor women looked like an Oompa Loopa with blonde beehive hair. She smiled at me, but didn’t say anything. She walked over to Emma and Emma handed her wrist. She took Emma’s pulse and temperature all without saying a word. Then she scribbled a few things down on the paper next to Emma’s bed and walked out.
“She’s friendly,” I said sarcastically.
“Yeah that’s Marie. She doesn’t even talk to me and she stops in every hour or so.” Emma shrugged, “I have tried talking to her, but she doesn’t seem like the talkative type so I stopped.” She smiled and then rubbed her head. As she ran her fingers through the hair left on her head some more hair fell out. She grabbed the hair and twisted, dropping the hair into the garbage can. She looked into the garbage can and sighed, “I guess it will grow back again.”
“It always does,” I tried to encourage her. I knew losing her hair was the hardest part for her. Ever since her hair had grown back she had taken such pride in making it look good every day. “It must stink, you know, losing your hair again and being back here.”
Emma shook her head. “It’s not that bad. I got to spend two years like a normal teen. There is one girl two doors down, she was here when I first came and she still is. I have it good; some of these kids can’t even have visitors.” She buried herself further under the covers. “And I have so many people routing for me here and back home. Caring about losing my hair would be selfish.”
I just looked at her and laughed. “You are something else Emm.” I could tell she was smiling. I could just imagine her smiling that half smile she always did when she was flattered, or embarrassed.
“You cold? Come.” Emma moved over in her bed and made a spot for me. I crawled in next to her and covered myself in the blankets. I could feel her thin fragile legs under the blankets. If I had just heard Emma’s voice I would have never known she was going through chemo. Through everything she was still the same person. She might have cancer again and she might look weak, but she was still the same Emma
“Sorry to interrupt, but Emma, honey, it’s time for your treatment.” The nurse came in wearing her pooh bear scrubs. Her I got up out of the bed and grabbed my phone. I quickly texted my mom to tell her to come get me. As the nurse unlocked the wheels on her bed Emma set Barney down on the bed side table. She opened her fragile arms and embraced me in a hug.
“Bye Emm.”
“Bye.” She responded. “I’ll be home soon. See you then.” She waved and then looked at the nurse.
“Why don’t you head out before us,” the nurse said gesturing me towards the door. I walked out and stood towards the right of the door. The nurse wheeled Emma out and made a turn towards the left. As I stood there watching Emma gets wheeled away, my heart sank and tears welled in my eyes. I saw Emma stick her arm up in the air and wave. I waved back even though I knew she couldn’t see me. The nurse turned the bed right and Emma looked over at me. She held up her hand in the number one and I could see her mouth, “Rule One.” I smiled at her and then watched the bed disappear down the hall.
I turned around and headed back to the elevator. I got in the elevator and pushed G. As the elevator went down the tears flooded my eyes. I got out of the elevator and zipped up my jacket. As I walked out the giant sliding glass doors I saw my mom standing with Emma’s mom. Emma’s mom looked at me and opened up her arms. I ran into her arms and started to cry.
“We will get through this together,” she whispered while she rubbed my back. “I promise.”
Revised-
Moxie
Walking into the children’s hospital warmth flooded me. The heat was a welcomed change to the cold, snowy Boston morning. Unzipping my jacket a little I headed over to the elevator. Headphones in blasting Beyoncé I entered the elevator. As “Save the Hero,” comes to an end I anxiously await the next song. Pressing the button for the Cancer Treatment Floor, I step back and lean against the wall of the elevator. A song slowly starts to fade in and my heart skips a beat; I could tell what the song was immediately. I look at the display screen on my iPhone and my fears were confirmed. As “Tattoo” by Jordin Sparks filled my ears my thoughts go to Emma, her favorite song.
It was just months ago we were celebrating two years cancer free. We had a huge barbeque and invited everyone over. I told Emma she was just coming over to swim. I can remember telling her to just meet me in my backyard. Everyone was waiting in the backyard. You could hear the clinging of jewelry coming around the corner of the house. I didn't have to look in that direction, I knew it was Emma. She always wore lots of silver bracelets that adorned her thin wrists and long silver earrings stretching down to her neck, giving her neck the illusion of incredible length. Atop her neck a slightly tanned oval shaped face, with the slightest tint of pink in her checks. Her big hazel eyes flecked with green always outlined with brown mascara, but never with eyeliner. Her nose not too big, but not too small, an arrow leading the eye directly to her huge smile. Lips, thin and light, framing her braced teeth with ease. As Emma turned the corner, everyone yelled surprise. Her eyes had a twinkle only found in fairytales and her nose wrinkled like it always does when she laughs. Emma's long chestnut hair fell effortlessly down her shoulders with just the slightest wave giving her hair volume like the models in the Pantene commercials without any of the professional help. There was no need to explain the occasion; she knew right away this wasn’t a birthday party, but a look how far we have come party.
As the elevator doors opened I walked out and down the brightly colored halls, a drastic change from the regular hospital. As I walked down the hall I looked at all the doors and it hit me. Every single room was filled with another child going through the same thing as Emma, and every person that had walked the same path I was walking had been affected by cancer just like I had. I stopped in front of her door. Pictures of Emma and her friends covered the door. I caught a glimpse of the two of us years ago when she first came here. I had come with purple blankets and my favorite stuffed animal, Barney. You could see the flowers everyone had brought her in the background and the get well poster her softball team had made her. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door and waited.
“Come in,” called Emma.
Walking into the hospital room I first noticed the get well balloons that covered her ceiling. Looking at Emma tears welled in my eyes. She was covered in blankets up to her neck just her pale face and neck could be seen. A large face mask covered her mouth and nose as to prevent her from getting sick. The mask would normally over power someone's face, but her huge eyes stood up to the test. Her large hazel eyes, now more evident than ever, seemed like sunken rocks in wet sand. The pink in her checks was gone and the hair that had always enriched her appearance was now a thing of the past. As I got closer to her, I could see small patches of hair still on her scalp. Her clavicle so pronounced I felt it was screaming at me. She looked weak and worn out, nothing like the girl I knew, but when she spoke I knew that my friend was still in there. She talked with such enthusiasm and happiness I could only imagine the smile that was probably covering her face behind that mask.
“Amanda, you’re breaking rule number one.” Emma gestured to the wall. Looking at the wall there was a neon yellow poster with the rules listed on them. Sure enough rule number one read, “No tears.”
“You’re right. Sorry,” I said wiping the tears from my checks. “How are you feeling?”
Emma laughed, “Never been better!” she replied. “Look!” Lifting up her blanket, she pulled out the Barney I had given her years before. “I still have him,” she said. I could tell she was smiling behind her mask. We both laughed. I knew she still the Emma I had come to love.
As I looked around her room my eyes caught a huge stack of papers.
“What are all of those?”
“That,” Emma replied “is all the paper work I have to finish for my fundraiser.” I must have looked puzzled because she laughed and rolled her eyes in a “you’re so slow” manor. “I am still doing that fundraiser for Children Awaiting Parents. I only have chemo for four hours a day, so I figured why not continue with the fundraiser. Plus, just because I’m sick again doesn’t mean those kids don’t need help anymore.”
Why was I not surprised. This was just like Emma. “Aren’t you tired? You shouldn’t overdo it Emm.”
“It’s fine. I’m almost done with everything, and then all I have to do is send it to school. They will run it from there.”
Before I could respond there was a knock at the door and Emma told them to come in. It was a nurse. She was short, plump and very orange. The poor women looked like an Oompa Loopa with blonde beehive hair. She smiled at me, but didn’t say anything. She walked over to Emma and Emma handed her wrist. She took Emma’s pulse and temperature all without saying a word. Then she scribbled a few things down on the paper next to Emma’s bed and walked out.
“She’s friendly,” I said sarcastically.
“Yeah that’s Marie. She doesn’t even talk to me and she stops in every hour or so.” Emma shrugged, “I have tried talking to her, but she doesn’t seem like the talkative type so I stopped.” She smiled and then rubbed her head. As she ran her fingers through the hair left on her head some more hair fell out. She grabbed the hair and twisted, dropping the hair into the garbage can. She looked into the garbage can and sighed, “I guess it will grow back again.”
“It always does,” I tried to encourage her. I knew losing her hair was the hardest part for her. Ever since her hair had grown back she had taken such pride in making it look good every day. “It must stink, you know, losing your hair again and being back here.”
Emma shook her head. “It’s not that bad. I got to spend two years like a normal teen. There is one girl two doors down, she was here when I first came and she still is. I have it good; some of these kids can’t even have visitors.” She buried herself further under the covers. “And I have so many people routing for me here and back home. Caring about losing my hair would be selfish.”
I just looked at her and laughed. “You are something else Emm.” I could tell she was smiling. I could just imagine her smiling that half smile she always did when she was flattered, or embarrassed. I looked down at my orange bracelet I had bought. “Moxie. Huh? It’s so fitting.”
“Moxie.” Emma replied. “I love it.” The girls at Mercy had started a fundraiser for Emma to help her family with costs. The made orange shirts and bracelets that said Moxie, which means strength and perseverance in Latin. They had been selling the Moxie things and running different fundraisers with the hopes of giving Emma and her family the best Christmas present ever this year.
“You cold? Come.” Emma moved over in her bed and made a spot for me. I crawled in next to her and covered myself in the blankets. I could feel her thin fragile legs under the blankets. If I had just heard Emma’s voice I would have never known she was going through chemo. If not for the physical toll the treatment had taken on Emma you would think she was fine. Through everything she was still the same person, strong and persevering through this like everything else. She might have cancer again and she might look weak, but she was still the same Emma. As we sat there, we gossiped and laughed together just like old times. Before I knew it the door opened.
“Sorry to interrupt, but Emma, honey, it’s time for your treatment.” The nurse came in wearing her pooh bear scrubs. Her I got up out of the bed and grabbed my phone. I quickly texted my mom to tell her to come get me. As the nurse unlocked the wheels on her bed Emma set Barney down on the bed side table. She opened her fragile arms and embraced me in a hug.
“Bye Emm.”
“Bye.” She responded. “I’ll be home soon. See you then.” She waved and then looked at the nurse.
“Why don’t you head out before us,” the nurse said gesturing me towards the door. I walked out and stood towards the right of the door. The nurse wheeled Emma out and made a turn towards the left. As I stood there watching Emma gets wheeled away, my heart sank and tears welled in my eyes. I saw Emma stick her arm up in the air and wave. I waved back even though I knew she couldn’t see me. The nurse turned the bed right and Emma looked over at me. She held up her hand in the number one and I could see her mouth, “Rule One.” I smiled at her and then watched the bed disappear down the hall.
I turned around and headed back to the elevator. I got in the elevator and pushed G. As the elevator went down the tears flooded my eyes. I got out of the elevator and zipped up my jacket. As I walked out the giant sliding glass doors I saw my mom standing with Emma’s mom. Emma’s mom looked at me and opened up her arms. I ran into her arms and started to cry.
“We will get through this together,” she whispered while she rubbed my back. “I promise.”
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